No Way We Are Invisible

Growing up, I never really got the chance to feel that different.

My parents wanted my sister and me to have everything they didn't. My parents were both born in India and lived there until they were about five. My mom grew up in Hong Kong, surrounded by both Asians and Indians, and went to an American school. My dad grew up in Dubai, where he was mostly surrounded by Indians. They eventually came to America to build a life of their own and chase what so many people call the “American dream.”

They waited ten years after getting married to have us. They wanted to make sure they could give us a good life. They worked hard, built their careers, and created a life for us that they didn't have growing up.

For most of my childhood, I didn't really question any of this. I had my white friends at school and my brown friends outside of school. I knew I looked different from some of the people around me, but I didn't think too much about what that meant.

Then I got to high school.

I started noticing how different I actually was from the people around me. I go to a predominantly white school, so sometimes I would walk into a room and realize I was one of the only brown people there. I started noticing the looks, the jokes, and the comments. Freshman year especially, there were the typical immature Indian jokes. At first, I tried to brush them off. People are immature. People say stupid things.

But eventually, you start noticing a pattern.

I also started noticing how different racial groups are represented in my school. There are programs and opportunities specifically connected to different racial groups. We have SASA, which is a club, but sometimes I wonder why there isn't more recognition for South Asian students beyond just having a club.

And then there is the question I have had so many conversations about:

Are Indian Americans even considered a minority?

Whenever I bring this up, I feel like I hear the same answer.

“Indians are really successful.”

Okay. And?

I don't understand why being successful means that you stop being a minority. Yes, Indian Americans have a high rate of success in certain areas. But that doesn't mean we don't experience racism. It doesn't mean we aren't stereotyped. It doesn't mean we are automatically respected.

If anything, sometimes I think our success makes people ignore what we have to deal with.

My family has experienced things that I shouldn't have had to think about as a kid. At airports, at least one person in my family has had their bags checked again before boarding a flight. Because of our last name, people make assumptions. I remember them looking at my last name when I was only eight years old. I was a child.

There are also the comments about smell, accents, academics, food, and everything else people seem to think they know about Indians.

The weird thing is that a lot of this doesn't even feel like racism to people.

That's what bothers me.

The way brown and Indian people are treated can be so normalized that people don't even realize how rude or racist something is. Someone might think they are making a harmless joke, while the person hearing it has heard the same joke a hundred times.

I have experienced enough of it that sometimes I just ignore it.

And I don't think I should have to.

I shouldn't have to watch everything I say because I'm worried about how people might see me. I shouldn't feel self-conscious about being my skin color. I shouldn't walk into a room full of white people and immediately notice that I am the one who looks different.

America is supposed to be a mix of everyone. It was built by immigrants and people from all over the world. But it is still majority white, and sometimes being reminded that you are different can make you question where you actually belong.

I also don't think people understand what it feels like to be caught between cultures.

Sometimes I feel too brown for my white friends at school.

And then I can feel too white when I'm in India or around other Indian people.

I don't really feel like I fit perfectly into either side.

People also have so many assumptions about India. One of the biggest ones is that India is dirty. But I always wonder: Have you actually been there?

India is one of the coolest places I have traveled. There is so much culture, history, food, and life everywhere. Yes, there are places that are dirty. There are places like that in every country. Social media can show you the worst parts of any place and make you think that is what the entire country looks like.

People judge India before they even experience it.

And I think people do the same thing with Indian people.

They see a stereotype before they see the person.

Maybe that is why I have started thinking more about leaving America.

My parents sacrificed so much to come here. They worked incredibly hard to build their lives and earn the success and respect they have today. Sometimes I feel guilty even thinking about leaving because this is the life they worked so hard to give me.

But I also think that maybe I am supposed to create my own dream.

I don't want to leave America because I hate America. I want to experience something different. I want to be surrounded by many different types of people. I want to go somewhere where I don't constantly feel like I am the different one in the room.

Most importantly, I want to create a life of my own and not feel limited because of my race.

I shouldn't have to prove that I belong here. America is a country made up of people from everywhere. Everyone should be able to feel like they belong.

But the world isn't that simple.

My parents came to America because they wanted me to have opportunities they didn't have. And I am grateful for everything they built for me.

Maybe creating my own dream doesn't mean leaving their dream behind.

Maybe it means taking everything they gave me and deciding where I want to go from here.

Because Indian Americans are here. We have been here. We are successful, we are hardworking, we are American, and we are still minorities.

So no, I don't think we should be invisible.

We are not invisible.